?

Log in

 
 
15 June 2008 @ 04:28 pm
the beautiful side of somewhere [2/?]  

title: the beautiful side of somewhere
author: spindriftt
rating:
pg-13 (domestic violence, language)
pairings:
jaemin; jongkey; sunye/changmin frienship; various others
disclaimer:
I am not LSM or JYP.  I don't own any of the artists in this story.

jaejoong's in love with a beautiful boy and a beautiful girl he doesn't know.  But they give him hope, so he watches. (from an alleyway, a hidden booth, the curbside, the motorbike, and his little box at the Fulton River stop.)

 


'Cause I'm looking at you through the glass
Don't know how much time has passed
All I know is that it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that forever feels like home, sitting all alone inside your head

How do you feel, that is the question
But I forget you don't expect an easy answer
When something like a soul becomes initialized
And folded up like paper dolls and little notes
You can't expect a bit of hope
So while you're outside looking in describing what you see
Remember what you're staring at is me

Through Glass  Stone Sour



The blue buttons were torn off- one, two, three, four, five- and they clattered deafeningly, piercingly, as they fell to the floor (six, seven, eight, nine, ten, don’t breathe).  From the ground, they stared, like beady little eyes, intruding, accusing, as witnesses.  Soundless, but there, but watching. Like me.

There wasn’t much else that I could do.  (Lies.)

They had a switchblade.  It glinted in their back pockets like a dwarf star, like Venus.  They were heavy, and masculine, and potent, and lusting with a voracious hunger for golden skin, russet locks, the pungent smell of sex.

I couldn’t have stopped them if I was brave enough to make a sound.  (Lies.)  I couldn’t have, even if I wasn’t scared for my own life, even if I wasn’t small and scrawny and hungry and sleepy. (Lies.)  Even if I wasn’t selfish and covered in ice and so used to this(Lies.)

I couldn’t have saved that golden skin, those russet locks, that long –misplaced innocence.

So I watched, unblinking, from behind the blotting shadows, until they were done with her, and her shattered body lay like a carcass, bloodied and devoured, on the flooded cement, crimson fluid from her body painting the puddles like a scene from an urban horror movie.  She wasn’t dead, I knew, from the wracking sobs that shook her body as I tiptoed closer and stole a glance at her tattered, naked body; it was bruised and slapped and stained with long gashes.  I bend at the waist and crept my fingers close to her face, caressing swollen lips and just barely brushing soft, flushed cheeks, when her glassy eyes snapped open and she stared at me with hatred that brought me to my knees, saying “Sorry, sorry, sorry,” to a stranger I didn’t want to know.

Later, when I brought her home, cloaked in my red jacket (so the blood that seeped through blended right in),  I found out that her name was Yoobin Kim and that, for months, she had hitchhiked, walked, stolen tickets and rode the train, through cities from Philadelphia to Chicago.  

Home was a minuscule storage-room-turned-bedroom tucked between the first floor and the second floor of Brewed Awakenings- owner, Yunho Jung.  Few people had ever heard of his café, and it wasn’t a surprise.  His coffee was about as appealing as a dried mud cake.  But endorsing his coffee wasn’t the reason Yunnie allowed me to stay.

When I carried Yoobin in, Yunho peered at her with something like sympathy and skepticism at once before nodding, and allowing her to collapse at one of the perennially deserted tables.  She lived with him from then on.

Weeks after that, when I had assured her that Yunho would be nothing like her stepfather, (the one that leered at her when he caged her on her own bed, the one that kissed her mother gently and lovingly before work, then destroyed her daughter when he returned, drunk and monstrous. ) she still stared at me with those glassy, loathing eyes.  And I guess she had the right to, after all.

----

My fingers strummed a tune lazily- I couldn’t even remember the name of it- and I blinked up at the ceiling.  It was freezing, and rainy, I guess, except I couldn’t see outside without windows, so I had no way of knowing but for Yunho’s sopping, dirty-smelling hair when I wrung my fingers through the strands and kissed him full on the mouth.  He’d long since peeled his clothes off the floor and left, clanging the glass doors shut.  I’d watched him from the top of the stairs, as he flipped the pointless “OPEN” sign to “CLOSED”, and went out into the rain with a chime.  It was around ten o’ clock, and his boyfriend (didn’t know his name.  He was always: isn’t the “boyfriend” going to wonder? Isn’t the “boyfriend” coming in today?) was no doubt wondering where the hell he was on a Saturday night.

...With me.

But fucking Yunnie was okay sometimes, because I didn’t love him, and sex was just a tool of pleasure and comfort between us.  Like those evenings where he’d close up the restaurant, march upstairs (I could hear those footsteps, needy, hungry), fling open my door and thrust me into the bed, or the wall, or the window, where everyone and no one could watch.  Then he’d kiss me tenderly and go. 

I didn’t mind that he left me alone every night- actually, I was grateful that I could finally roam around and pretend that the whole café was mine.  A musky-smelling, dinky castle just for me. On hot, foggy nights I’d stretch myself under a table and sleep on the cool wood, but, other times I’d lock that undersized storage room and listen to myself breathe.

----

In the mornings I always had a giant double chocolate chip and vanilla mocha at Starbucks, after dumping the bland coffee Yunho stirred me up into a plant pot.  I’d watch them there, from my designated table in the corner- the beautiful boy and the beautiful girl.  They were there, every weekend, without fail, at five-thirty.  The girl would drag in the drowsy young man and order the same things- “A small Strawberry Cobbler, extra sugar, and a Caramel Chai Frappe, please.”  They’d sit in the best booth, the third one from the entrance, on the left, and the boy would try to close his eyes and sleep, leaning his head against the hard back of the seat, but the girl wouldn’t let him.  I caught traces of their conversations when the words floated by.  The boy never touched his drink, and the girl would take it after she finished her pink, creamy cup.

Sometimes, he was furious at her, and they’d glower at each other from either side of the table, arms crossed.  Other times, she made him laugh and both their gorgeous smiles submerged the room.  I think I was in love with her for that.

On Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, the boy would stumble in alone with this burlap bag he always carried.  He’d order a caffe macchiato, and finish it at the serving table, after stirring in four extra packs of sugar.  I always meant to get up and clasp his wrist and let him know that I was Jaejoong, that I knew things about his life that no one should have known and that’s why I was different and that’s why he should talk to me and listen to me or I’d let the world know his secrets.  But I never did, and when he’d turn his back to my shadow and leave, I watched, heartbroken, because I was, after all, in love with him too.

----

At work- a run-down Burger-King-turned- Chinese-restaurant crammed between sleek espresso bars on Randolph Street- on Sunday afternoon, Jonghyun couldn’t understand why I kept laughing every two minutes, but I couldn’t explain it to him, because I didn’t understand either.  He scowled at me from the shoddy tables he was cleaning as I closed the register for my lunch break.  Fifteen minutes later, he joined me on the sidewalk curb.

He crouched next to me with a groan and made himself comfortable.  A can of Miller Lite was passed off to me, and I accepted it graciously. “What’s up, Shin?” 

I giggled, cupping my palm over my mouth.  He stared at me with something like disgust and incredulity, so I laughed more.

“You’re so weird,” he sighed, and tugged at my platinum mane.  “If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were in love or something.”

I remembered the way his fingers brushed mine when I gave him back his dollar, and the way he asked for my name.  And that I was no longer in the shadows and that he knew I existed.  And I wondered if he understood that, when he was walking away, the song I strummed was like a sanguine parting cry.  We’ll meet again.

“Uh-uh-uh.”  I seized the beer away from Jonghyun just as he was about to take a sip.  “You’re mom would kill me.”

----

Later, Yunho asked me to get Yoobin from school because he was busy, so I took his bike and went past their apartment complex, like I usually did.   Once in a while I’d look up and meet the eyes of the beautiful boy or the beautiful girl, but I was just a fleeting moment in their lives.  I whirred past the rackety bridge and onto the high school’s boulevard, where a string of yellow buses chugged by slowly, adolescent faces plastered to the windows of their mobile prison, staring down at me.  I could imagine a strange, wild, dangerous party going on in there; they all looked like intoxicated, malformed, displeased animals, laughing and joking and chanting, while I waited out in a better world.

Yoobin held onto me stiffly and grudgingly as I revved towards Yunho’s apartment.  He wasn’t there, but Yoobin had a key and she disappeared into the glossy maple wood without asking me to come in.  I rode Yunho’s bike back to Brewed Awakenings because I was afraid to walk by alleyways at night.

----

I had wanted to become a musician since I was four and my dad bought me a small, plastic replica of a guitar with nylon strings and a rounded pick.  I rocked around in my diaper, screeching my vibrant version of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, and my mom would pick me up, laughing and cooing, and twirl me into the galaxy along with Jupiter and Saturn and Mars.

Years later, my mom left with an ivory skinned, blood-red haired, sharp smiling woman named Cynthia, and I didn’t feel like I could reach Jupiter anymore.  Still, I bought a ‘58 Strat copy for two hundred and thirty dollars when I was twelve.  That guitar was crushed in my father’s face two years afterward, the night before I ran away from him and his new fiancé and began falling forever.

I think I roamed around Seattle for a while after that, but I don’t remember the haze of starvation and always wet sneakers and heartache before I bought a bus ticket to Chicago with all the money I had left.  I still dreamed about being a musician, about being famous- I’d never forsaken that.  Most nights, the subway station was my stage, and I catered to starched gentleman in their business skins.  They liked me enough- sometimes they’d stop and smile, or offer me a quarter.  I took it if I didn’t like them, gave it back if I did. 

Whether my parents were looking for me (or looking hard enough), remained a mystery.  But they were looking for Jaejoong Kim, who didn’t exist anymore, who was curtained in the grown body of Shin Chin-Mae. 

And I think the only one who knew me as Jaejoong was that beautiful boy I was in love with.


 


 
 
Current Music: "Snuff on Digital" - Blaqk Audio
 
 
 
dongbangboysdongbangboys on June 15th, 2008 09:36 pm (UTC)
spot?
dongbangboysdongbangboys on June 15th, 2008 09:42 pm (UTC)
oh my goodness..

beautiful.. absolutely beautiful
you can actually feel jae's pain and see his suffering
wow...

so hes in love with both of them.
But he only told changmin his real name. i have to go reread it!
sindy: spindriftt-------spindriftt on June 15th, 2008 10:31 pm (UTC)
thank you so much, darling :DDDD
yes, he's in love with them both right now, or, rather, his fixated with both of them in a way, but he'll be in love with Min totally, once he meets him.
A chance you get is a chance you seize~violetgurl33 on June 15th, 2008 11:53 pm (UTC)
this kind of story is so not easy to write.

well it is but the thing is all that damm research.

*groans*

i have my own story for which the rough outline is ready. what i cant bring myslef to do is research rapists and montreal/paris??>.< still deciding. i'll figure it out=D

i love well written AU fanfiction. whats good abt it is you can change the names later work on the storyline a little more and it can be an origific as well. my advice would be to put a copyright on all of them or at least state that. trust me, you do NOT want plagiarism.

i love jaejoong and min. fascinating main characters. interesting backdrop. and jae's fixation with this couple's beauty is kinda funny XD
sindyspindriftt on June 16th, 2008 01:20 am (UTC)
Oh gosh, tell me about it. I'm just hoping I'm really not screwing up.

Exactly. I started developing this fic during our writing period in American Lit., and my teacher asked us to read what we had written out loud. I just changed the names up, and voila! :D

Ah~ I think putting up a copyright is a good idea. Especially with what happened with sum3r 's B.O.Y.

Thank you so much for reading and commenting ♥. I think Jae's so tainted right now that if he sees anything "beautiful" like Min and Sunye, he latches on to it.
sindy: spindriftt------spindriftt on June 16th, 2008 01:21 am (UTC)
Oh, best of luck with your fic too! I'll be looking out for it <33
紫のチャンミン: Jaejoong at the airportkurogoma on June 16th, 2008 12:28 am (UTC)
have been waiting for your update, yeeah!!! :D

so jaejoong already knew of changmin even before changmin noticed his existence? i like how he refer to min as the beautiful boy and how he was in love with him already. i did wonder how was it that changmin was captivated by the striking appearance of jaejoong playing the guitar, but did not notice jaejoong at the cafe? or maybe changmin was almost always oblivious. :D

the feel of this chapter is befitting of jaejoong, with a very streetsmart almost jaded tone to it.
sindy: spindriftt--------spindriftt on June 16th, 2008 01:29 am (UTC)
Yay! ♥
Sorry it took a week. Damn finals.

Yep. Changmin and Sun ye have caught Jae's eyes since a long time ago. He's idolized what he sees and imagines Min to be, so he's fallen in love, more so, with his fantasy of just, a beautiful looking, perfect boy and girl, rather than the actual people.

I think Min is the kind of person who's so stuck in the constant, fast-paced rut of life that he doesn't give thought to anything unless he has to. Maybe he's noticed Jae in the corner before, but it didn't really matter to him until he was directly associated with him- which he was, when he recognized "November Rain." Also, he's sleepy in the mornings and preoccupied with his annoying best friend xDDD

Anyway, thank you so much for reading and commenting again, dear. <3333
emda: jaeminemda on June 16th, 2008 02:13 am (UTC)
I think Jaejoong is the only stalker I wouldn't mind to have. Like the chapter and yes u did progress... now we know Jaejoong and how other people call him and who the beautiful boy and girl. Plus you just introduce two new characters. So I see a progress.
Like it a LOT!!!
keep it up!!
sindy: spindriftt--------spindriftt on June 16th, 2008 02:32 am (UTC)
Hee, me neither.
I guess I actually did~ Thanks for making me feel better about it <33
figmaginationfigmagination on June 16th, 2008 04:09 am (UTC)
Wow... 0.0 I'm so completely blown away by this chapter. Your writing is amazing. I have been waiting for this chapter and it was so worth it. It was fascinating to read how Sun Ye and MIn, two (almost) strangers, make Jae's day a little brighter. Does he wish to share in their "perfection" and happiness? Does he hope that they/Min can bring him out of the lonliness in his life? It was so lovely that Jae has already fallen for Min and revealed his real name to him. Although, Min must be extremely oblivious to not notice Jae in the cafe. Of course, he needs coffee, so maybe he's not perceptive without the caffeine. LOL. Anyway, bravo on the chapter. I absolutely loved it (in case you couldn't tell) and can't wait for more! Please update soon~!
sindyspindriftt on June 16th, 2008 04:42 am (UTC)
Thank you so so so so much. You don't know what it means to me that some people are commenting and appreciating my writing and my story like this. ♥♥♥
He does; it's a fixation. Now that he's finally met Min, I think he's totally fallen for him. Before it was just a wistful admiration to be a part of what they were. Now he wants it more than anything.
Haha. Min's not too observant in the mornings? xDD

Now that finals are coming to an end, I will try to update soon. I already started.
Again, thanks so much for reading, sweetie.
i see your shineciel_dao on June 16th, 2008 11:25 pm (UTC)
OHMYGOSH. NEW CHAPTER.
I feel a little sad for jae, kinda bittersweet :(
yay! for suspicious!yoobin, because i can totally see her like that.
and snarky!jonghyun is good too.
You write these characters so fittingly to what they show in real life, yet you're able to flesh them out even more.
Beautiful :D
Keep on updating!
heroyeeun78 on June 26th, 2008 08:21 pm (UTC)
hi
wonder girls are in this?
sindyspindriftt on June 27th, 2008 12:29 am (UTC)
Re: hi
Hey there ^^
yeah, but only sunye and yoobin :]
heroyeeun78 on July 2nd, 2008 09:54 pm (UTC)
Re: hi
xD sun ye and yoo bin are cool
~♥Hope to the End. Always Keep the Faith♥~chloe1910 on June 29th, 2008 10:27 am (UTC)
This is all Jae's POV right????

ok..slightly confused now..So Jae rescured Yoobin and brought her back to his and Yunho (Yunho's actually) place??? and Yunho and him are er, fuck buddies and good friends?? Is Yoobin in love with Jae too?

So jae is in love with Min..er, did I get the facts right so far?
sindyspindriftt on June 29th, 2008 03:32 pm (UTC)
Mhmm. This is JJ's POV.

Sorry about the confusion. This chapter's really abstractly written, I guess, since I was trying to narrate like his train of thought. :/

I'll try to explain:
Yes, Jae did "rescue" Yoobin after she was raped, and took her back to the cafe that Yunho owns. Jae lives in a small room in between the second floor and the first floor of that cafe. The second floor is another restaurant that has no relation to Brewed Awakenings. Yoobin is not in love with him; she despises Jae because she knew he had watched her being raped and saved her too late. She thinks he's a coward. They are getting along better now, though, because it's been a few months since Jae found Yoobin.

Yunho is Jae's fuckbuddy and friend, yes, but he has a bf and lives with him. His bf is really nice and rich and let Yoobin live at his place with Yunho, because (this isn't explained, but it's how I figured it happened), Yunho explained that Yoobin is his cousin and she has nowhere to stay.
I tried to show Yunho as a guy who can be compassionate under an extreme circumstance and knows how to handle situations like Yoobin's, much like his leadership qualities in real life.

Jae is in love with Min, in a way that you would fall in love with someone you admire from afar at first sight. He hasn't actually talked to him (until the subway scene, that is), but he's been spotting Min in places ever since he moved to Chicago, and I guess Min is some kind of beacon of innocence/hope that Jae's latched on to.

Sorry for like, three paragraphs. Do you kind of understand now, or do I just fail?



~♥Hope to the End. Always Keep the Faith♥~chloe1910 on June 29th, 2008 04:59 pm (UTC)
Thanks for the explanation..everything is so much clearer now...
sindyspindriftt on June 29th, 2008 09:16 pm (UTC)
no problem~ I'm glad it helped.